Aftermath
45:38. The time taken (in minutes and seconds) to ruin his life. How do I start? I don’t know what to say… that Dad confronted me, or that we need to talk. His voice changes immediately. I wonder quietly if he’ll try to blame me.
Pregnant. Dad would have gone over to his place with a spade, if he knew where Alex lived. It wasn’t Alex’s fault – could be mine - but like he’d told me from the start, boys are bound to get it worst when dads find out.
Dad is planning on calling the police, except … yeah, I’m fourteen, and he’s seventeen, but I don’t count myself as a child. Alex never treats me like a child and…this isn’t fair. Pregnant.
I ring him the moment Dad leaves me alone, mobile slick in my sweaty palm and I’m leaning on the bricks outside of the house. It’s starting to rain and my top’s gonna get ruined.
“There’s gonna be some hell raised over this.”
His rough, Manchester accent, raises hairs on the back of my neck. I haven’t brought a coat out with me. It’s cold.
“Cos you know I’m gonna get blamed for this.” There’s nothing to say. “What’s Helena gonna think?”
I know Helena. She’s a nice, good girl, just got into uni. He’s right – she’s going to be devastated. She deserves more than the truth, but then again, she probably deserves more than him, too. Problem is, she doesn’t want anything but him. Can’t help wondering if she’ll want him when he’s supporting a kid. My kid.
“But… look. I thought you were on the pill?”
I’d told him I wasn’t. I had told him.
“Why didn’t you tell me? Look, I…”
Listening to him swear at me. Wondering if it was my fault. My ankles are in pain, from crouching against this wall for so long. I have to go. Am running out of credit, but Alex pays for that for me anyway.
“Can I go?”
He cares for me. He even loves me and I am ruining his life.
“Course you can, I never stopped you. It’s what you want, Amy. But look, I still love you, whatever happens. And I won’t blame you.”
I never want to talk to him again. But he loves me.
“Can I ring you tomorrow?”
No. This has been enough. Everything has been said, that needed to be said. I’ve hardly spoken.
He’ll ring tomorrow anyway.